Finding Equilibrium in Your Life and Achieving Your Life Goals By Using Focus And Re-Sponse-I-bility

Your Life and Achieving Your Life Goals


meaning I have the ability to respond instead of reacting. I have the ability to take a moment and allow My Self to listen to my body, mind, spirit and to respond [from Latin re (again) spond (sponsor, guarantee or pledge support to …)] to the situation versus reacting to the stimuli. An easy way to compare the difference between responding versus reacting is in a medicinal situation. When one responds to medicine it means the medicine is supporting the body/mind to come back into homeostasis commonly referred to as ‘balance’. When the one reacts to the medicine signs of stress can appear, such as hives, shortness of breath, high/low blood pressure, mental imbalances, disease, etc., even up to and including death.
The Goal: Respond consciously and ultimately after much practice respond via the ‘Divine Third Way’.

The Discovery Map

First what is the problem, and how does it impact your life? Enumerate all the ways your life seems to suck. Take a blank page make 3 columns. Write down the problem (what is showing up), the cause of the problem as you see it and the benefits, known and hidden, you may be receiving. As an example: I’ve written a few of Blake’s problems we discussed, perceived causes and the benefits he may have been receiving.

  Column A   What Is Showing Up Now

  1. Always exhausted
  2. No time for social life
  3. No time for self
  4. Relationship suffers because of 1, 2, 3
  5. Spiritual / Metaphysical life stagnate because of 1, 2, 3

Column  B    What I perceive as the cause:

  1.  Never get enough sleep
  2.  Works LONG hour
  3. Chaotic schedule
  4. Always on call
  5. Mind is always on job
  6. Can’t relax or turn off brain

Column C    What are the Known and Hidden Benefits I Receive

  1. a) Numbs my pain b) Keeps me out of intimate situations
  2. Keeps me from committing to myself and others
  3. Hides me from my self, my inner fear of a) being unworthy, b) flawed and or c) being undeserving
  4. I don’t have to deal with personal problems, hers, mine or ours.
  5. Keeps my brain busy so I don’t have to face my fears of the a) unknown and b) I don’t have to change

There can be and usually are numerous possible known and hidden benefits, called secondary gains, for each item of disharmony. This is where ‘what if’ and ‘out of the box’ thinking will really help. Take your time on these because they will be keys to the happiness kingdom later. When you are finished listing all the secondary gains go ask people whom you trust to be truthful and supportive what benefits they believe you may receive when these problems/situations show up and you react in your habitual unconscious ways. Add their beliefs to your list. You want all the secondary gains to appear. These are the reasons why you experience life as you currently do. The law of attraction works whether we are conscious of it or not. Complete the first 3 columns as soon as you can.

Starting the Journey

Start your introspective journey and become aware of your secondary gains/benefits. You will start to understand what benefits the ‘problems’ give you. You are developing a greater knowledge of yourself.  You will begin to see your problems with gratitude and a way to help you merge into your Highest and Best Life!

Then you will be ready to start the deep dive into your exhaustive list.  Take your time with this next step, the analyzing of the secondary benefits, will be a big endeavor. Life has a way to encourage us to look deeply inside; if we don’t do it voluntarily, we will be forced to do it. Usually the involuntary way is most unpleasant disrupting 99% of our life unless it kills us.

This stripping away of the problems and truly looking at what benefits we are receiving can be life altering. It will be worth it. The rewards of diving deeply into your own psychic and rectifying your undesirables can create a PEACE that radiates from a deeper part of you than you ever knew existed. You will most likely get hooked and have much more excitement for looking at your problems and seeing the secondary gains, because you will know that these are just manifestations of your ego trying to keep you from your Highest, Happiest and Best Life. The ego’s manifestations are just illusions. The ego is a cruel master. It cares not for your happiness. It strives to maintain its’ illusion of being in control.


Take your time doing the next step. Caution you are about to enter a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE. Well you are using judgment but since this is for you and you alone you are not allowed to censor your answers to make them appear good, better, more spiritual, metaphysical or politically correct. The more truthful you can be as you pull back the ego’s layers of control the easier and faster your Highest, Happiest and Best Life will manifest.

There will be benefits that need to stay in place until your growth and development has been strengthened. You are climbing the Mt Everest of your Highest, Happiest and Best Life. No One who has been successful in climbing the physical Mt. Everest laid on a beach one day and decided to the climb Everest the next day.  It takes time, effort, and resources to be successful.  This is very much like that physical climb. However, it may be more exhausting on the emotional and mental levels.

Uncover the reasons you have been manifesting what you don’t want.

When you are ready, take just one or two of the benefits/secondary gains to examine in each sitting. Write your thoughts to each of these questions for each of your benefits. One benefit to a page. Add any insights, aha’s, or comments that peculate to your conscious mind. These will become your most cherished allies as you uncover the reasons you have been manifesting what you don’t want.

  1. Is this a benefit I am actually receiving? How does it show up? Is there another secondary gain under this one?
  2. Do I want to continue receiving this benefit?
  3. Is this benefit supporting my highest and truest version of myself in this NOW moment?
  4. Do I want this benefit in my life at this moment?
  5. Can I receive the desired benefits in a gentler more supportive way?
  6. Is this benefit supporting my highest and truest version of myself that I AM?
  7. Is there another or different benefit(s) that would give me greater support at this moment on my journey towards the highest and truest version of myself?
  8. If so what is it/are they? (What do you want instead?)
  9. How can I shift the Triple Constraints to achieve this/these new benefits?
  10. Is there another or different benefit(s) that would support the highest and truest version that I AM?
  11. If so what is it/are they? (What do you want instead?)
  12. How can I shift the Triple Constraints to achieve this/these new benefits?

Now list all the benefits you perceive (feel/know) that add value or support to your life.  For example

Benefits I Choose to Manifest

  1. Vitality – Physical, mental, emotional, financial, energetic and Spiritual health and energy
  2. To have a strong and active social life with a few great friends that support me/my goals and I support them/their goals
  3. I am calm, grounded and centered no matter how much chaos is swirling around me
  4. Loving supportive relationship with my partner on all levels: physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, financially and spiritually
  5. Trust God (Divine/Creator of All There Is, Goddess, Higher Power) and trust In God
  6. Know I perceive (see, hear, know, feel, taste) and follow God advice for me

BONUS: When you have completed this self-directed workshop send me an email with what you discovered about yourself and what you have noticed appearing in your life once you start applying some of your insights. I would appreciate it if you would also comment on parts of this process you found extra helpful and part that were not so helpful, and if you had an insight to add to this process would you include that also. As my thank you to you, or quid pro quo, J I offer you 3, pro bono, ½ hour coaching sessions.


Subject: I am the Project Manager of my life.

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