Allowing Resistance To Move Into Self Awareness And Personal Power (part 3)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 continues:

In January (2017) I was working on the issue of my client/friend yelling at me and me standing my ground, losing a client and a friend in the process. Losing my friend was worse than losing a client.This upset me greatly and I went deep to explore the whole situations.   – I had number meditations involved a “past life”  where I saw myself as a low ranking advisor to Queen Elizabeth 1. I also saw my friend/client was the head advisor to QE1. – As the low ranking advisor, I was very skilled clairvoyant and very shrewd Politician. I saw where I had without any emotions covertly ordered the execution of an innocent young woman who was a threat to QE1.

This present time, self, was amazed at how emotionless, and totally analytical he performed what he saw as his duties. He was quite ruthless. Needed to be done. Do it. I called him the Elizabethan Man.

I “lived with” him 2 weeks to see/feel/understand that energy and any lessons I needed to have from him. Then I felt I asked him to leave. My recollection is that I needed to do some in-depth viewing about the stagnant energy in my hips to the throat.~The stagnate energy appeared to me like a basalt column. I tried 2 or 3 times to move it, to dig into it to see what it had to offer me. I could not budge it nor tap into any wisdom it might have had for me. Wednesday (3.24.17) in meditation Pele showed up and was ready to assist in removing it. I let her. Kind of hard to say no to Pele. At first, it seemed as if she was pushing with her might and nothing was happening. Then Python came in and she turned him into a living Pyrthon, a fire-python. He spiraled around it and started to melt where his body was. Then Pele then hit the bottom of that column/core and sent it into the stratosphere and beyond. It went above the moon and then arced down and fell outside of the earth’s gravitational pull. The force it took to dislodge that core was impressive.

What I understood is that at some point in my childhood, most likely the day my mother beat me so badly, I made a vow never to have emotions. To be cold and analytical. So all my stuffed, repressed emotions turned to stone at my core. (that has been so helpful –NOT)

Then this morning (3.25.17) … The Dream

… I was someplace milling around waiting to be called or for my number to come up. A very large black man was there and recruiting 20 or so people to help him do something. Each was given a specific task. I believe no one knew any one else’s task. Everyone there was a veteran. I believe I was the only woman. Not sure whether or not I was recruited. The large man is called in. He enters the place we all are waiting to go. He is caring a wooden crate on his shoulder.

I see there is lots of water on the floor. I get towels and wipe it up.

Next scene: I’m male in this scene.

I’m resting on the banister of a stair’s landing. My head and shoulders are leaning over the banister and I convince my self it’s time to go “do it”. I run down two flights of stairs.  Then I say “I have blood on my hands” and think I need to wash it off and change my clothes.  I go back up the stairs and into the apartment, to do so.

New scene:

Inside the apartment, I’m female in this scene: I am in a doorway. I see my housemate, the male from the stairs, standing by the bookcase. I sense he is uneasy about something.  I come over to him and he says, “I have to leave”.

I feel terror. I realize he had been in the group of veterans with me. I understand he had been recruited by the Large black man. And he is now going to do his task.

We look at each other and we both know he won’t be back. I asked when will you be back. He looks at me and says you’ll be okay. I hug him tightly and say I don’t want him to leave. He says it’s time.

I ask if there is anything, anybody he wants me to do or contact. He hints that in 2 or 3 months I would know …something… He had a notebook and starts to flip through it as if he has already written down his last request or will write something down. Then he put that down and turns.

After I wake from the dream but not truly awake, I’m thinking what does this dream mean. And I thought with no concrete evidence that the water I cleaned up was not water but was blood. A second thought was I’ve been cleaning up other people’s messes for eons. I don’t know which one was true. Probably both are true. And Maybe I like Ivanka, am complicit in the messes that I’ve cleaned up over the years/eons. (see SNL skit from the March 20 or maybe the week before)

I haven’t told many people that I left my body the time my mother beat me so badly. I felt like a walk-in came in and took care of my body and I think this might be the ‘walk in’ walking out now.

Also, this is the last vestige of the old Elizabethan man. Maybe the walk in and the old man are one and the same being.

As the day has progressed I realize the Large Black Man is the “spirit in charge” of helping us see our shadows. All the veterans I think are all the “deeds” I’ve done while I was in shadow mode, my karma if you want to label it. Or possible they were all the helpers trying to get me to look at my shadows.

When I first started working with the Lords of Karma. They were extremely stern and appeared in black hooded robes. The more I worked with them the lighter their robes became and the less stern they were. I realize this man is a Lord of Karma. This big black man was quite jovial. The wooden crate he carried on his shoulder, I literally just this second realized, held that basalt column Pele dislodge from within me. He was returning it to Source or Home.

This week I have seen over and over the many times in my life where I did do the Me 1st thing. Often I got shamed for it. Each time I hid a little more. Hopefully, I will be able to embrace me and be able to put myself first in the near future.

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